and I must admit... I've never really slept alone in a house before.
I knew it would probably be hard, as I've never been so good with the dark.
But I didn't quite expect the dabilitating fear that came over me every time the night came and I was alone... My two weeks here has been an extremely good one by day... I love having my own space, and being able to invite people over and be the hostess for once... But it's been fairly sleepless and, well, pretty terrible by night. This fear of the dark thing is something I've struggled with my entire life, and it seems so silly, when I know that the Lord is with me... When I know that He loves me, and His desire is that no harm would come to me. I KNOW that I'm free from fear in the name of Jesus... I KNOW that through Him I have victory. But knowing it to the point of feeling completely confident in it when the sun goes down and I have nothing but my imagination to keep me company... That's another story. I'm trying... I really am. I pray SO often that this fear would go away, and that my heart would feel secure knowing that the Lord is my Shepard... But it's a constant struggle for me.
I wrote this song at about 4:00 am last night when I couldn't sleep for fear of the dark...
Sitting waiting for the sun
Waiting on the day to come
My heart it longs to rid this fear
Yet here it is year after year...
What do I say, what should I do,
Why can't I put my trust in you?
Your arms of love wait close to me,
But I feel so far from victory.
Salt water wells and fills my eyes,
I lie and wave the hours goodbye.
I sing to You and speak Your name,
But the darkness makes me soul grow faint.
Oh Lord, please come and set me free,
these chains won't loose their grip on me.
The night, it makes you seem so far,
I long to know your Shepard heart.
The Devil waits to conquer me,
But I know the Lord sings over me…
